We just wanna know what you think about us… Submit your own and people will tell you if you are a dick… or a funny dick. You’re a dick either way. Also, if you have something to ask… Tumblr (3.0; @dmof)http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/<p>I was checking out some profiles a dating site the other day and this girl’s read, “I am a 24 year old trapped in a 5 year old’s body.”</p> <p>I had to send her this message:</p> <p>You seem cool, but more importantly, you’re a 5 year old trapped in a 24 year old body. If it was the other way around, you’d be attracting a completely different group of people… did you ever see the movie The Orphan? It’d kinda be like that.</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/2820728805http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/2820728805Tue, 18 Jan 2011 21:51:00 -0500dick move or funny?cupidorphandating site<p>My friend recently quit her job at the gym. I sent her a text message asking what happened. She responded with “Well, it’s been a toxic environment from the start and a long story, but I’m glad I got out of there”</p> <p>I responded with, “So you were too fat, huh?”</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/1081511922http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/1081511922Tue, 07 Sep 2010 11:38:00 -0400dick move or funny?the gymtoo fattext message<p>I was sitting in my philosophy class and decided I wasn’t going to like it. So, I pulled out my cell phone, connected to the internet, dropped the class and left without saying a word.</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/1042795752http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/1042795752Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:27:58 -0400dick move or funny?submissionfirst day of classesdropping classes<p><span> <p>At a class reunion picnic, a group of us decided that we were going to make the hand gesture “The Shocker” (Two in the pink, one in the stink) in as many photos as we could sneak it in. I did it while posing with a classmate’s daughter… who has down syndrome.</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p> </span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/907884828http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/907884828Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:55:09 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p><span>A customer asked me to find a book off her 11th grade summer reading list. I asked her if she was interested in any particular book, she said she wanted the shortest one. I looked over the list. There was some good stuff on it. <em>A Streetcar Named Desire</em>, <em>I Know Why the Caged Bird Sing</em>, etc. I gave her one book I thought she might like, but she didn’t want it because it was too long, 300 pages. I looked the list over again and gave her <em>Something Wicked This Way Comes</em> by Ray Bradbury, because I knew she’d hate it</span></p> <p><span>Dick Move or Funny?</span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/898481243http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/898481243Tue, 03 Aug 2010 12:01:45 -0400dick move or funny?<p><span> <p>I was working in a kitchen at the time. I had an order of zingers to make, and for some reason the fryer wasn’t heated up, so I reset it and moved on to something else while I was waited for it to heat up. Michelle comes in, sees me working on something else, and starts yelling at me for not making the zingers. I very calmly told her without raising my voice that the fryer was not heated up, and I could not make the zingers until the fryer was at the right temperature. She proceeds to start putting the zingers that I breaded into the fryer that was not heated up.</p> <p>I tell her, “What are you doing? Just wait a minute for the fryer to heat up.” She then goes off about how she has been working here longer than me and that I didn’t know what I was doing. So I say, “This is the reason why no one likes to work with you.” She made the mistake of asking why and how I know that no one in the store likes working with her.  Without any hesitation and without cussing or calling her names I seamlessly listed all the reason why people hated working with her and I used multiple examples to support my assertions. I can’t remember what all I told her but the main idea was that no one liked her because she bossed everyone around even though she didn’t know what she was talking about.</p> <p>Everyone in the kitchen stopped what they where doing to listen, and when I was finished they applauded. Even the manager praised me for staying so well composed. She started crying in the break room and claimed that I disrespected her. We were all laughing about it.</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p> </span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/893503468http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/893503468Mon, 02 Aug 2010 11:26:01 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p><span> <p>So I was at a strip club 10 years ago with my brother and an Army buddy.  I was getting too drunk and was not really interested in a dance from the most recent chick to try to put a slug trail on my jeans. </p> <p>I told her instead that I would prefer a shoulder rub for a couple of songs for $20.  She said OK.  After the rub, she said, “you are a good guy, let me clue you in on something.  A lot of these Asian chicks are transsexuals.”  I said, “really?”  Oh yeah. </p> <p>I asked, “What about that one?”  O yea.</p> <p>“What about that on on the fat guy in the corner?”  O yeah, he has to change in the mens’ room. </p> <p>So I go over to the fat fuck getting the dance, and i say, “Hey brother of mine, you having a good time?”  O yea.</p> <p>Well, here’s $100 for some more dances. </p> <p>Then I get my Army buddy and we watch the show. </p> <p>We leave after the best $100 I ever spent were exhausted.  I am laughing so hard I can’t even breathe.  We get in the car and my brother says, “she had the biggest clit I have ever felt!” </p> <p>That was 10 years ago and to this day I have not told my brother, but I’ve told this story about 100 times. </p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p> </span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/880066061http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/880066061Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:33:06 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p><span>After a rough day at school, my 7 friends and I piled into my Tahoe and went to Wendy’s across town. I figured since I drove, that they would all chip in and buy me some food. They didn’t, so instead of watching them eat, I said I had to go to the bathroom. I got in my car and drove home, leaving them to a 4 mile walk back to school.</span></p> <p><span>Dick Move or Funny?</span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/875384964http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/875384964Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:42:41 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p><span>My friend’s and I love playing pranks on one another. My latest exploit involved me posting my friends phone number on craigslist stating that he has Justin Bieber tickets to a sold out concert that he can no longer attend and that he is giving them away for the same price he bought them for, which is basically half of what everyone else is trying to get on craigslist. His phone hasn’t stop ringing that last 3 days.</span></p> <p><span><span>Dick Move or Funny?</span></span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/871497669http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/871497669Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:47:16 -0400submissiondick move or funny?<p><span>Today, I was walking through ArtsFest, which in my town, is a big fucking deal. So I passed this booth for a chiropractor, and the lady running it called out to me, “Have you ever had your spine checked?” I whirled around instantly and said, “Yes, actually. I went to one yesterday, and you guys overcharge severely.” Everyone there left.</span></p> <p><span>Dick Move or Funny?</span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/849992197http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/849992197Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:57:26 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p>It get’s unusually cold in Northern Colorado during the winter months. As a smoker, I really hated standing outside of my apartment door in January to smoke, so I’d smoke half a cigarette or so and put it out in the ash-tray so I could enjoy smoking the other half later. Occasionally, I’d forget about my half-smoked cigarette and light a new one, and thus have several half smoked cigarettes in my ash tray for my later enjoyment.</p> <p>One morning, I discovered that my ashtray was being sorted through by someone who was very obviously in need of a cigarette. I thought nothing of it at first, but eventually it became habitual. I couldn’t leave a cigarette on my ashtray outside for more than an hour without it disappearing.</p> <p>I tried to devise a way of discovering who it was, but realized that a good revenge would be so much sweeter. I ended up smoking half of a cigarette, emptying out some of the tobacco, finding some of my beloved dog’s fecal waste to replace it with, and packing some tobacco back into it so it wouldn’t look strange. As a finale, I also stuck the cigarette butt in my dog’s poop and twisted it around and smeared some on the cotton filter.</p> <p>After I had about three of these to use as bait, I put them back into the ashtray and went to sleep. The next morning, they were gone. After that morning, I never had another incident of a missing half-smoked cigarette.</p> <p>Eh? Dick move or funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/845339469http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/845339469Thu, 22 Jul 2010 10:44:50 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p><span> <p>Last night my roommate turned off the light in the living room and proceeded to smash his face into the corner of the door way, splitting his head open.</p> <p>He came into my room bleeding and nervous. I could have held in my laughter, but I didn’t want to.</p> <p>Dick move or Funny?</p> </span></p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/841105906http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/841105906Wed, 21 Jul 2010 11:58:04 -0400dick move or funny?<p>There was this homeless guy who was bumming for change just outside of a McDonald’s. He had a sign that he’d made from a cardboard box that simply said: ‘HUNGRY’.</p> <p>When I got close to him I pointed to his sign and said “you spelled LAZY wrong”.</p> <p>He looked at his sign then swore at me.</p> <p>Dick move or funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/832464554http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/832464554Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:18:32 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p>UPS will not leave packages at my house. For 3 years, I have had to leave work early, and make the 30 mile round trip to their depot to pick up any and all packages. I’ve signed the little slip, I’ve asked them to leave with neighbors, I’ve called the 800 number to no avail. One day I was at Target’s website, and saw they had a 300+ pound weight set for $50 with free shipping. So I ordered it, I didn’t want it, I just enjoyed making the UPS driver load and unload it off his truck for the 3 delivery attempts before returning it.</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/819940356http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/819940356Fri, 16 Jul 2010 12:38:04 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p>According to the world population clock at this moment we are at a total of 6,855,971,534. Given that number, there are roughly 6,855,971,399 people that are dicks.</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/813639953http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/813639953Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:56:00 -0400<p>So, my roommate has a cat and I have a dog. He doesn’t take good care of the cat and NEVER cleans the litter box. There is usually so much shit in it that the cat covers his new shits in old shits. Eventually the cat abandons the box all together and starts shitting all over the house. Also when my dog can, he tries to eat the cat’s shit. Not good!</p> <p>So I asked him to be more on top of the cat box, but he never was. I came up with a plan. I scrubbed the hell outta the box and put pristine litter in it. My roomy thanked me when he noticed and said he would do better. I said nothing. Everyday, several times a day I would clean that box! I wouldn’t give the poop time to cool before I was on it. After a week or so, my roomate comes out to the living room and is looking around. I say, “What?”</p> <p>He says, “Have you seen any cat poop around cuz she isn’t using the box.”</p> <p>I say, “No…no I haven’t.” This goes on for another day and he is worried that something may be wrong with the cat. That night I took a HUGE shit in the cat box!</p> <p>He wakes me up next morning freaking out, “DUDE! You gotta see this!” He shows me my shit and thinks the cat did it.</p> <p>I said, “Dude! Thats not normal, she is gonna die!” He freaks out and takes her to the vet. As he is leaving I suggest that he take the turd with him. You know just in case. And he does! About 2 hours later he comes home…..pissed! The vet didn’t seem to be fooled at all. He wasn’t happy that my roomy brought him human feces to test! I said, “Next time CLEAN YOUR FUCKING CATS LITTER BOX!”</p> <p>Dick Move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/811402481http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/811402481Wed, 14 Jul 2010 12:46:00 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p>So, I used be a logistics operator for a retail chain “warehouse” type store.  Since I worked in an office in the back, I didn’t get a lot of “customer interaction”, but occasionally folks would ask me where things were.  I took great pleasure in sending them as far from what they were looking for as possible, or just telling them we didn’t sell that. This was basic shit like milk and eggs, and the reactions were pretty hilarious… People get pissed when you fuck with their grocery shopping experience…</p> <p>Dick move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/806806369http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/806806369Tue, 13 Jul 2010 11:27:29 -0400dick move or funny?submission<p>I have a buddy in college that is a self-admitted premature ejaculator.  He had recently courted a young lady who was quoted as saying “that’s it?” as she put her clothes on and left. </p> <p>On a long drive home for winter break, i heard a commercial for Trojan condoms that will entitle you to a free 3-pack of condoms of your choice.  Being the friend I am, I got on their website and ordered the extended pleasure condoms in his name and sent them to his address, where he lived with 4 other guys we went to school with. </p> <p>I have never told anyone about it and I did not hear that he had even gotten them in the mail.   I forgot about even doing it until 2 years later when one of my buddies told me that the “that’s it?” girl sent him “numbing rubbers”. </p> <p>Apparently he asked everyone else in his house and was lead to believe the “that’s it?” girl was the culprit.  He eventually called her up one drunken night and bugged out on her.</p> <p>Dick move or Funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/803035271http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/803035271Mon, 12 Jul 2010 15:07:43 -0400<p>It doesn’t automatically make you a dick, but it does increase your chances by 83%</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/802458753http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/802458753Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:07:39 -0400<p>One night, when my wife was out of town on business, I went out with some friends and got pretty trashed.<span>  </span>When I got home, I decided it would be a good idea to let our new puppy (who usually sleeps in a kennel) sleep in the bed with me. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">When I woke up in the morning, our puppy wasn’t in the bed.  She was passed out on the floor with a bunch of chewed up shit all over the place.<span>  </span>Amongst the new chew toys were pair of my wife’s shoes.<span>  </span>They were some nice looking shoes that my wife sometimes wears to work.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Realizing that this was all my fault, I did what any man would do; I threw those fuckers in the trash and kept my mouth shut.<span>  </span>Weeks passed and my wife was none the wiser.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Until I got the call.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">My wife, packing for another business trip, called me at work just to ask if I had seen her new, grey new shoes that she wears with her pinstriped suit.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Nope.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Are you sure?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.<span>  </span>Did you look under the bed?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Yes.” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“How about in the suitcase you took on your last trip?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“<span></span>They aren’t there either.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Then I don’t know.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the months since, she has torn this house apart looking for those damn shoes and has called several hotels that she has stayed in, asking if she had left them behind.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Every time she starts moving stuff around in the closed, I know exactly what she’s searching for.<span>  </span>And I don’t say a damn thing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dick move or funny?</p>http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/802453219http://www.dickmoveorfunny.com/post/802453219Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:05:48 -0400dick move or funny?submission